


Your Betrayal

by TheShamansGranddaughter



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Birthday, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-18 12:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShamansGranddaughter/pseuds/TheShamansGranddaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Derek's birthday and Stiles has a surprise for him. Things don't turn out as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prologue of sorts. Inspired by a similar personal situation. All characters have the same background as in the show, just all human. Title from the song Your Betrayal by Bullet for My Valentine. More on the way.

It was a surprise and Stiles had worked really hard to make sure things were perfect. It was Derek’s birthday and after the year he’d had, he deserved something nice.

  
A year ago, Derek had been a drug addict. Coke was his life and his only motivation to do anything. He’d go on drug binges that lasted for days. No one would be able to find him, he wouldn’t come home and Stiles would spend the whole time in Adderall induced and sleep deprived manias. Not that he could sleep if he wanted to. Not with Derek gone.

  
Their friends were more worried about Stiles than Derek. They told him to leave and not come back. They told him that he was better than this. That he should go to college and find a nice guy who’d never even touched the shit.

  
Derek had come home after one of his binges, two weeks this time, to a very angry boyfriend. Stiles had only slept seven hours in the last week, and that was only because Allison made him. He’d charged Derek as soon as he walked through the door and told him that if he didn’t get clean, Stiles was leaving and he wouldn’t be back. Derek had promised him he would go to rehab and kissed his tears away. They had fallen asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms.

  
The next day, Scott and the others came over for Derek’s intervention. Stiles wept silently in the overstuffed armchair that he loved so much and listened to the others tell Derek how much he meant to them and how much they wanted him to get clean. He’d already said everything he needed to say.  
Derek agreed to go to rehab, once again and they loaded him into Stiles’ jeep and drove him to the rehab facility.

  
That was a year and 2 months ago. And today was Derek’s birthday. And Stiles was determined to do something nice for him.

  
Until he walked through the bedroom door to find Derek, huddled over two lines of the white powder. The underside of his nose was covered in it.

  
Stiles couldn’t help the sob of anguish that ripped through him as Derek’s head snapped up. His eyes were wild, like a trapped animal and he looked as though he was about to make some sorry excuse or another.

  
“Save it, Derek. There’s nothing you could possibly say to me right now to make this better,” Stiles said.

  
“Stiles, please,” Derek responded.

  
“No. I can’t do it again,” Stiles said as tears streamed down his face, “You either don’t know how detrimental this is to me, as well as you, or you don't care.”

  
“Stiles…”

  
“I’m done, Derek. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

  
Stiles turned on his heel, and walked out of the room. He left his key on the dining room table and left a note that he’d send Scott to get his things. He felt like he’d been punched in the chest when he climbed in his jeep and drove away from the house.

  
Stiles Stilinski never wanted to see Derek Hale again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is welcomed home, complete with an embarrassing moment before he even gets to his house. But there's something no one's talking about...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the short chapters, this is looking like it's gonna be a long-ish fic. School work has been taking up all my time, so it's happening slower than I want it to, but, as promised, Chapter 2!

It’d been five years. Five years since Stiles did what his friends told him to do. He walked away from Derek and didn’t look back. 

He enrolled in college at NYU, as far away from Beacon Hills as he could get. He loved his hometown, but he couldn’t stay there. Not after everything he’d been through. He decided to major in psychology and social work focusing on drug counseling for recovering addicts. He wanted to help people the way he hadn’t been able to help Derek. 

It was his junior year when his dad had the heart attack that brought him home. He couldn’t leave his father alone in his fragile state and he couldn’t ask Melissa to keep babying him. 

So he did what any good son would do. He transferred his credits to Beacon Hills University, bought a one way plane ticket home and packed up his things. He was welcomed at Beacon Hills International by Scott and Allison.

He couldn’t help the grin that had plastered itself to his face. He’d only come home for Christmas for the past three years. He never got to see his friends. It was good to be back.

“Are you really here?” Allison asked.

“In the flesh,” Stiles replied.

She wrapped him up in a bone crushing hug that surprised Stiles. He couldn’t breathe and it was wonderful. Allison only let him go when he protested his need to breathe, only to be caught up by Scott. 

“Guys, I appreciate the love, really. But I do still need oxygen,” he laughed.

Scott let him go and he stumbled. He quickly stepped back to avoid falling and promptly ran into a woman, knocking her over and falling back the other way and landing on his ass.

“Oh my God! I am so sorry!” he said.

The woman laughed as he scrambled to help her gather her things.

“It’s okay, people get excited at airports,” she said.

“Yeah. I haven’t been home in a while,” he told her.

“Well,” she said gathering the last of her things and standing up again, “I hope your visit is pleasurable.”

“Actually, I’m here to stay this time,” he said.

“Oh. Well. In that case, welcome home,” she said.

“Thank you. Sorry again,” he said.

“No problem.”

The woman turned and walked the way she’d been going when Stiles flattened her.  
* * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Scott and Allison drove him home. His father was waiting for him in the driveway. 

“Dad! What are you doing out here? You should be inside resting!” he scolded.

“Good to see you too, son,” her father said.

Stiles wrapped his father in a tight hug. He was so happy to see him. The last month had been hell on them both. Stiles had come home for a week after his father’s heart attack, at which point, he’d announced his plans to transfer schools and move back home. He hadn’t seen that elation on his father’s face since before his mother died.

“Can’t have you dying on me and leaving me all alone, pops,” Stiles said.

“I still don’t need a babysitter, Stiles.”

“I’m not your babysitter. I’m your son. And I told you that you should eat healthier.”

John scoffed. They turned in the driveway and walked to the house, Scott and Allison trailing behind them.

Once all of Stiles’ things were tucked away in his room and his dad had announced that he was tired and going to bed, Scott and Allison said their goodbyes, promising they’d be back tomorrow. 

Stiles lay in bed that night wondering where everyone else was. Not that he’d expected them to greet him at the airport, but there had been no mention of the others. No mention of Danny, Jackson, Lydia, Isaac, Erica or Boyd. Least of all Derek.

Stiles had had a long time to think about his relationship with Derek. He’d been in love with him, had wanted nothing more than for him to get better. He’d tried so hard. In the end, he wasn’t enough to save him, and now, God only knew where he was. Stiles didn’t even know if he was dead or alive.

He resolved to ask Scott tomorrow about the others. He didn’t plan to ask about Derek.

He didn’t want to know.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles deals with a new realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a tough chapter for me. Hope you all enjoy it!

Scott barely got in the door the next day before Stiles started asking questions.

“Where is everybody, dude?” he asked.

“Everybody who?” Scott answered.

Stiles sighed. Scott was so incredibly dumb sometimes.

“Lydia, Jackson, Danny, Isaac, Boyd and Erica. Where are they?” he asked.

“Oh. Well, Lydia, Jackson and Danny went to college. MIT. Lydia’s choice, but who was going to argue with her? Isaac, Boyd and Erica took off after you left. Erica and Boyd moved to Vegas and got married. Last I heard, they have a little one on the way. They check in about once a month. Isaac is off doing God knows what. He just said he couldn’t stay here. Something about Derek getting worse when you left.”

And there it was. Exactly the words that Stiles had been dreading to hear from the moment he got home. Leaving him hadn’t helped Derek. Stiles was a selfish bastard. He’d abandoned the person he loved when he needed him most. Despite his resolve to not ask he found himself asking where Derek was now.

“No one really knows. He was a mess for a while after you left. He went on a huge binge. Didn’t sleep for almost a week. When Isaac found him he said he was painting the house. It was three in the morning. He said when he asked him why he was painting, Derek said it was because you always hated the color he chose to paint it after the fire. Isaac talked him into going to bed and left him there to sleep. He slept for three straight days and when Isaac went back to check on him the fourth day, he was gone. No one’s seen him since,” Scott said.

Stiles pretended he didn’t care but he was screaming inside. He would never admit to anyone that he’d spent the last five years missing Derek and wishing he could have done something more to help him. He hated himself for giving up so easily.

Allison came over in time for dinner and helped Stiles cook. As they seasoned the chicken and put it in the oven to bake, Allison started with the interrogations.

“What’s wrong, Stiles?”

“What? Nothing,” He said.

“Something’s wrong. I’m not stupid and I’ve known you for far too long to believe that lie,” he said.

“Nothing’s wrong, Allison. Nothing I want to talk about anyways,”

The enraged look that flashed across Allison’s face could have killed people.

“Scott. McCall. Get your ass in this kitchen!” She screamed.

Scott walked through the door looking all the world like a puppy who’d been kicked.

“What’s up?” Scott asked.

“Did you tell him?” she responded.

Scott flinched visibly. Stiles hadn’t realized they weren’t allowed to talk about Derek.

“Yes,” Scott said, “he asked. I thought he had a right to know.”

“Scott, last time this happened, he left for five years, remember? Are you trying to drive him away again?”

“No. God, no. I just, he asked and…” Scott trailed off.

“And what?”

“I thought he had the right to know,” Scott said.

Allison rolled her eyes and started chopping vegetables for the salad.

Stiles had stood silently on the sidelines of this conversation and listened to the exchange. He was touched by Allison’s discretion and concern for him but he appreciated Scott’s honesty more. He did have the right to know. And now he did.

Dinner was quiet, Allison and Scott fighting, John tired from a long day and still recovering from his heart attack and Stiles, Stiles was just tired. He had thought of nothing all day except Derek and how much of a fuck up he was for not helping him get better.

Allison left before Scott, right after helping put away left overs and do dinner dishes.

“I’ll see you at home,” she told Scott. Stiles winced at the tone. He doubted Scott was sleeping in the bed tonight.

Scott kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye.

John announced that he was tired and going to bed. Stiles and Scott said good night and settled in for some video games. 

It felt like no time at all before Scott’s phone was buzzing. It was Allison calling to find out where he was. As soon as Scott answered the phone he held it out away from his head as Allison shrieked at him. She used his middle name and everything.

“Where the HELL are you!? It is 2 a.m.! I’m sitting here waiting for you to get home, worried SICK, Scott. SICK! You don’t think, do you?!” 

Scott rolled his eyes.

“Women are so over dramatic, dude. You’re lucky you’re gay,” he told Stiles.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!” Allison screeched.

“N-nothing, dear. Just that I’m an idiot and I’m not worthy of your love. I’ll be home soon, I’m leaving now,” Scott told Allison as he pulled on his shoes.

Scott hung up the phone and stood, heading for the door with Stiles in tow.

“This was nice,” Scott said, “I hadn’t realized how much I missed you.”

Scott pulled him into a hug and said goodbye.

Stiles had been dreading this part of the day since Scott arrived that morning.

As he watched Scott drive away from the front door he was crushed with the weight of all he’d learned that day.

Derek had painted over the hideous green color he’d painted the living room to bring Stiles back. He’d binged for a week after Stiles’d left. And now he was gone. And no one knew where he was. Stiles wondered if anyone had even looked for him. He doubted it. Maybe Isaac. But even he couldn’t handle Derek the way he was.

Stiles lay in bed that night and thought about Derek. About how he’d fallen in love with him when he was seventeen and never thought he could love another person. He thought about the night he’d lost his virginity to Derek, how tender Derek had been, despite his rough exterior. He thought about all the times he’d lay in bed with Derek and talk about their future, all the things they’d wanted together.

Stiles thought about Derek’s steady spiral into madness and drug addiction that had started with a recreational joint here and there and ended in freebasing cocaine at a bar with strangers and coming home to pick a fight with Stiles.

Stiles remembered the intervention and the year of sober living that Derek had done for him and how great everything had been up until Derek’s birthday.Stiles remembered the night he left. He’d wanted to take Derek out for dinner. He’d made reservations at Derek’s favorite restaurant, the Italian place in the middle of town. He’d even bought a new suit. 

He thought about the way he’d told Derek he didn’t want to hear any excuses. The way Derek sounded so distraught when he'd said his goodbyes. He remembered the way his heart hurt when he dropped the keys on the table and left.

Tears slid down his face as he remembered the way he’d laid in bed that night trying to forget everything they’d been through together and how he’d thought things were going to get better now. He thought about the last five years that he’d spent in New York. The few times he’d been with other people. He never got passed Derek. 

He let the thoughts of inadequacy and shame wash over him. He soon found himself in the wake of a panic attack like he hadn’t had since his mom died. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything but lie on the bed and shake and cry and hyperventilate. 

He was faced with the reality that Derek was probably dead and that it was his fault. Because he was selfish. Because he wasn’t strong. Because he’d walked away when Derek needed him the most.

The nightmares that had plagued him right after his mother’s death and during Derek’s fight with his addiction returned full force that night. Stiles bolted out of bed at 4 a.m. Unable to sleep or focus on anything he began pacing. 

After a while he did something he hadn’t done in a long time. 

He took more than the recommended dose of Adderall and sat down at his laptop and began researching.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles starts his classes at Beacon Hills University, along with an internship that changes things.

At around 7 a.m., Stiles did something else he hadn’t done in a while and logged on to Facebook. He ignored the 76 new notifications and started with his messages. There were 45 from Lydia alone. She had apparently taken to filling him in on everything that was going on at MIT. 

Stiles hadn’t been on any social media sites since he moved to New York. He hadn’t wanted to hear anything about the life he left behind. He’d only answered calls from Scott and his father and he made a rule to never, ever log into Facebook or Twitter again.

As he read over the words Lydia had typed, telling him about how all Jackson wanted to do was party while she and Danny had study tables, he began to miss her terribly. Lydia had been the one pushing him so hard to leave. She’d been the one that had convinced him that his life would be better if he got away from this place.

He sent her a quick message telling her that he was home. An hour later he was rewarded with his message notifications dinging. She’d replied with only one word: “Skype?”

Stiles chuckled and logged on to Skype. Two minutes later he was looking at Lydia Martin’s bright smiling face. Even after all this time, she was beautiful. He’d fallen in love with her early in life. Though nothing like the love he’d felt for Derek, he’d never not love her.

The first thing he noticed was that she’d cut her hair. What once was long, curly locks was now shoulder length and stick straight.

“Do you like it?” she asked as a greeting.

“Hello to you too, Lydia,” he responded.

She smiled sweetly and cocked her head to the side, waiting for his response.

“Yes, I like it,” he laughed.

“Danny says it makes me look older.

“I think so too,” Stiles said.

“So what’re you doing home?” Lydia asked.

“No one told you?”

“Obviously.”

“My dad had a heart attack not too long ago. I came home to be with him. He’s still recovering.”

“Oh,” she said, “How bad was it?”

“Not as bad as it could have been, but, bad enough. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Lydia thought for a minute, her head cocked to the side the way it did when she was fishing for compliments or deep in thought.

“After everything, Stiles. You came back. You’re a good son,” she said finally. 

Stiles didn’t know what to say to that.

He caught up with Lydia for about half an hour before she had to go to class.

“When do your classes start again?” she asked.

“On Monday,” he told her.

“That doesn’t seem like a long time between arrival and classes,” she said.

“I could have started later. I wanted to get back to it. Keeps me focused and sane. If I’m working, I don’t have time to think about…” he trailed off feeling his chest tighten up again.

“I know,” was all she said.

Of course she knew. Lydia was a beautiful genius. Stiles told her as much.

“Well, this beautiful genius has to get to Calc 3 before 8:10 so, I will talk to you later. You should get online tonight. We’ll talk some more.”

Stiles agreed to be online that night and ended the video call.

Once he was alone again, he tried desperately not to think about Derek. 

He most certainly did not check Derek’s Facebook page to see when the last time he’d posted was.

It had been before Stiles left. Something about sobriety.  
*******  
Classes started at Beacon Hills University on a Monday. Stiles walked into his first class, Drug Abuse Counseling 301, and picked a seat close to the front. The professor told them that they would be shadowing a drug counselor for a month in the middle of the semester and then they would write a paper about their experiences as their final. 

The professor told them that they had openings at Beacon Hills Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center, the one Derek had gone to so long ago, and with the Mental Health team at Beacon Hills Hospital. It would be up to the students to decide where they wanted to do their internships. Stiles had already made up his mind.

The first few months of classes went without any problems. Stiles had decided that Drug Abuse Counseling was his favorite class, but that he also enjoyed his Creative Writing class and that his astronomy class fascinated him. 

He continued to video chat regularly with Lydia and sometimes Danny joined in too. Jackson rarely did. He was still the same asshole he’d been when Stiles left. He made sure to tell Lydia this when he knew Jackson was standing somewhere off screen.

“Fuck off, Stilinski,” he said.

“You’d love that, Jacks,” Stiles replied.

Lydia laughed at their antics and laughed harder when Jackson made it a point to walk behind her and flip Stiles off.

Scott and Allison came by almost every night for dinner and Stiles had even heard from Isaac about what he was up to. He’d been backpacking through Europe for the last three years. He said there was nothing like it and that he just needed to see the world. He promised he’d come home soon. He’d already been through most of the continent. He was circling back. He planned to spend the next two months in Germany and then fly home. 

He heard from Erica that she and Boyd were expecting a little boy within the next four months. They were still throwing names around. She asked him if he had any suggestions.

“Other than Stiles?” he asked. 

She laughed and said that while she loved him, she wouldn’t be naming her child Stiles.

“Come on! I like it. I picked it out myself,” he told her.

“How old were you when you did that?” she asked.

“I don’t remember,” he said.

“Exactly.”

He scoffed. She laughed. They said their goodbyes and Stiles went back to doing his homework.

As promised, half way through the semester, Stiles’ Drug Abuse Counseling professor sent around a sign-up sheet for internships with Beacon Hills Hospital and Beacon Hills Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center. Stiles was the fourth person to get the sign-up sheet. The three people before him had all signed up for the hospital. He wrote his name on the first line under the heading that said BHMHRC. 

They started their internships on Monday. Stiles was placed with a woman, Dr. Greene. As he walked in and told the receptionist what he was there for, he saw someone walking through the back that looked strangely familiar, though he was sure he’d never seen her before.

Five minutes later, he was looking at a middle aged woman with curly brown hair and bright blue eyes. She was what Stiles would call jolly. She wore a bright green button down shirt with a black sweater. She looked incredibly familiar, though Stiles wasn’t sure why. She was smiling brightly at him and extending her hand.

“Stiles Stilinski?” she asked.

“The one and only,” he told her.

“I’m Dr. Greene. I believe we met before. At the airport.”

Stiles was instantly mortified. Of course. Because that was the kind of luck he had.

“Yeah. Sorry about that,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

She laughed out loud. Stiles liked her immediately. 

“Well, why don’t we start with a little get to know you type thing? We do it with our new patients. It helps loosen them up and get them talking when they’re in groups,” she told him.

“Okay, what do you want to know?” he asked.

Tell me about your family,” she said.

“Okay. Well, my dad raised me, mostly by himself. My mom died when I was little, so it’s just been me and him ever since,” he said.

“I’m sorry to hear about your mother,” she told him.

“Yeah. It was rough. I’m mostly okay now, though. Some days are still hard, but I can’t dwell on it, so,” he said.

“That’s a very healthy outlook to have.”

“I suppose.”

“What about friends?”

“Ah, man. My friends. Well, they’re kinda the reason I’m here. Well, part of the reason. They pushed me to go to college after high school. I wanted to take a year off, so that’s what I did. Things got kinda ugly there for a minute so, I took their advice. Scott’s like a brother. I’ve known him since third grade. He’s my best friend in the world. His girlfriend, Allison, is a saint. She puts up with so much from him. Scott’s not very smart sometimes,” Stiles laughed then, remembering his first night home.

“Then there’s Lydia,” he continued, “She’s a genius. Beautiful too. She’s going places. Big places. She’s at MIT with her boyfriend Jackson and their friend Danny. Well, Danny’s my friend too, and I guess Jackson too, but, Danny was their friend first and Jackson’s kind of a dick.”

Dr. Greene laughed loudly at that confession. She was so pleasant to be around. Stiles thought his teeth were going to rot out of his mouth because she was so sweet.

Stiles laughed with her for a minute and then continued.

“Then there’s Isaac, Erica and Boyd. Isaac is in Europe right now. He’s been backpacking for the last three years. He’s coming home soon and I am stoked. I haven’t seen him in five years. Since before I left Beacon Hills for New York. Erica and Boyd took off after I left too. They moved to Vegas and got married and now there’s a little one on the way. Last time I talked to Erica she said they’re considering moving back after the baby’s born,” Stiles finished.

“Is that something you’d like?” Dr. Greene asked him.

“Very much so. Erica’s like a warrior princess and Boyd is just a bad ass. Their kid is going to be so awesome,” he told her.

“You said your friends were only part of the reason you’re here. Can I ask what the other part is?”

Stiles hesitated for a moment, staring at his hands in his lap.

“There was someone in my life. Someone I loved very much. He was everything to me. And I lost him. Correction: I left him. I couldn’t save him and I wasn’t strong enough to keep it up. So I left. He needed me and I left him,” Stiles said. Tears stung the corners of his eyes and he wiped them away before they could fall.

Dr. Greene took his hand in hers.

“Sometimes you have to walk away. Sometimes they can’t be saved. They have to want help to accept it and you can’t make them take it. You tried. That’s all you can do,” she told him.

Stiles nodded slowly.

“You have to think about yourself as well as the person with the addiction. Can I ask what his addiction was?” she asked.

“Cocaine,” he told her.

“That’s a rough one. There’s not much that can give a person the same kind of rush. They feel like they’re more productive because they don’t have to sleep. They go so far up that when they start to come down it feels wrong, so they find a way to get back to that place on top. Nothing else really matters,” she said.

Stiles wiped his eyes again. He knew Derek had loved him. Sober Derek had loved him. Stoned Derek didn’t love anyone. Least of all himself. He would do anything to feel better.

Dr. Greene smiled at him warmly and asked if he felt like sitting in on a group counseling session. Stiles agreed and she handed him a clipboard to take notes on and led him down the hallway and to the last door on the left. She opened the door and Stiles stepped in, looking around at the people in the circle. His eyes landed on one face in particular and he immediately dropped his clipboard.

It crashed to the ground with a loud smack as he stared directly at Derek Hale for the first time in five years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek tells his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently it wants to be written. :D

Stiles sat quietly through that first group meeting. Dr. Greene would look at him every now and then like he was insane. He did his best not to look at Derek. To pay attention to the others and take notes on what was happening. That is, until Dr. Greene pointed to Derek and introduced him.

“Everyone, this is Derek Hale. He is a two time veteran of Beacon Hills Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center. He suffered a relapse after his first stay about a year after he was here the first time. He checked himself in the second time, after his friends helped him get clean the first time. Derek, would you like to tell us about your experiences with addiction and recovery?” She asked him.

Stiles’ head snapped up from where he’d been staring at his clipboard. He looked hard at Derek and waited for him to tell the story. He waited for him to tell the group about how Stiles had abandoned him and left him to deal with his demons on his own.  
Derek locked eyes with him and began speaking.

“I was in a bad place for a long time. I guess it started when my family was killed. The Beacon Hills Police Department determined that the fire had been started by an arsonist. My entire family was killed, my house burned up, unlivable. I spent a long time trying to find myself. My sister and I were the only ones left. We moved to New York. While we were there, I met some people. They were the ones that gave me my first joint. I was seventeen.

“It was then that I discovered that I could escape the pain when I was stoned. So I kept on smoking weed. Eventually though, it wasn’t enough. Then one day my friend Mack told me about this guy he knew that could get us better stuff. I went with him on my first drug run to get it. I was twenty.

He looked at Dr. Greene and around the room at the others before his eyes eventually returned to Stiles.

“After that, I started doing coke almost daily. The rush I got from it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before in my life. I felt so good and I could forget about everything that had happened. I could forget that I should have been in that house with them when they burned up. That I was a coward for running. 

“Then Laura was killed. She was mugged in the city on her way home from work. I should have been with her as we worked at the same restaurant. I, however, had been too strung out that morning to go to work. Once again, I was alive while the rest of my family died. I was twenty two.

“So I moved back to Beacon Hills. I moved back into the old house. I started renovating it and stayed away from bar scenes and clubs. I stayed away from the kind of people that would drag me back into that life. It worked for about a year. I had all the money I needed for the renovations and to live on from the insurance money. So I worked on my house, and I ate and I slept, and that was pretty much it. For a year.

“Then one day, I was out in the woods around my house, just going for a walk. I ran into these two teenagers. To this day I have no idea what they were doing out in the woods, but there they were. On my property. And for some reason that made me angry. So I told them to leave. In a very rude manner. I went back to my house, and I thought they’d left, but then, I hear this banging on my front door. I opened it and there was the skinny one, standing on my porch and telling me what a prick I was. Loudly.”

Derek looked down and smiled then. Stiles had to fight back the tears at the memory of how they met.

“Anyways, I heard his friend, the bigger one, telling him to just come on and let’s leave already. He said I was obviously unstable and probably dangerous. I invited them in just to prove them wrong. The loud one came in. The big one stayed in the car.

“I’m not really sure how we got to where we did from that but, before I knew it I was in love with that skinny, loud, pushy son of a bitch. He was seventeen. He moved into my house after he graduated, much to his father’s chagrin. I hadn’t been so happy in a long time. So, of course, I had to ruin it.”

They were approaching a part of the story that Stiles hadn’t heard before and he was curious now to know where everything had fallen apart.

“I got a job in town at a bar. Bad choice. Before I knew it I was using again. I wasn’t unhappy. I wasn’t unsettled. The first time I did it I thought that it would magnify everything that was good in my life. I was so very, incredibly wrong. 

“My boyfriend was incredibly patient with me through everything. He would stay up at night when I was on a bender and then he would yell at me and cry at me when I got home and tell me how much of a jerk I was. And then he would let me apologize and hold him while we slept.

“Then I went on the bender to end all benders. I was gone for two weeks and I can’t even tell you what I did while I was gone. When I got home, I was exhausted. And I came home to an incredibly angry lover with worry and contempt in his eyes. He told me that he would leave if I didn’t get help. That he couldn’t keep doing this. He was eighteen. Incredibly young and there was so much ahead of him. I felt like the lowest possible life form on earth for putting him through this.”

Stiles was doodling on his paper now to keep from having to see Derek’s face as he told this part of the story. He didn’t want to see the pain and anger on Derek’s face when he told the room how Stiles had left him.

“I was twenty four, almost twenty five, when I checked into Beacon Hills Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center for the first time. I spent a month and a half here. I got clean, again. I got healthy and then I went home. I went home to the one person that hadn’t given up on me. I got out right before his birthday and we had a party at my house. There were no drugs, not even booze. He said it was the best birthday he ever had. From that point on, I wanted nothing more than to give him the world.

“I spent the next year blissfully happy, I had everything I wanted in life and everything was wonderful. And then my twenty sixth birthday rolled around. I was reminded, as I spent the day in my house, waiting for my boyfriend to get home from work, that I was the only one left in my family. That I was the sole survivor. I was left with the memory of the words my mother used to say to me on my birthday every year. She used to tell me, “You were given this life, Derek. You were given another year. Be thankful and do something good with it”. I sat in that empty house, remembering them and all I wanted to do was forget. 

“I went back to the bar where I used to work and met up with some people I used to party with. I got some coke from them and came back home. I wasn’t paying attention to time and I got caught. He came home and caught me white nosed and guilty, getting stoned again after he’d begged me to stop.

“He left me that night. He told me he couldn’t do it again and walked out of my life for good. Well, naturally, I was distraught. I stayed high for three weeks after that. One of my friends finally came to check up on me. Found me painting the living room because my boyfriend had always hated that green color I’d picked for it. He said it looked like baby poop.”

Derek smiled then and Stiles’ breath caught. Still beautiful. Would there ever be a time when Derek Hale didn’t make Stiles want to crawl inside his skin? He doubted it.

“He made me sleep. My friend. He made me lay down and close my eyes and not move. He stayed with me to make sure I didn’t wake up and do another line and start all over. I slept for three days straight. I didn’t even wake up to eat or use the bathroom. I woke up to an empty house on the fourth day. I went straight to my stash and dumped it out on the counter with every intention to snort all of it and continue painting.

“I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was pale. I had dark circles around my eyes and I looked like a skeleton. I looked like shit. And then my nose started to bleed. I was scared so instead of snorting it, I turned on the water, knocked the coke in the sink and then splashed my face with cold water.

“I didn’t even pack a bag. I got in my car and drove myself straight here. I told them not to call anyone because everyone that cared was over my bullshit. I was here for three months this time. I was afraid to be out on my own. I didn’t want to be faced with the temptation of relapse again.

”While I was here this time, they found something they’d missed before. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and put on medication to control my mood swings. It was determined that this was the biggest reason for my drug dependence.”

Derek looked ashamed of himself when he said this. Stiles hated the pull in his gut to go to him and wrap him up in his arms and tell him that it would be okay and that he still loved him and holy hell where had that come from?

“I kept coming to weekly meetings after I was released. I didn’t talk to any of my old friends or my ex-boyfriend’s friends. He didn’t want anything to do with me and how could I blame him after everything I’d put him through?”

Derek finished his story and looked around at the group then. There were some women there, clustered in the center of the circle, crying. They were probably thinking about their own journeys and what had led them here. Stiles felt bad for them.

“Derek has been sober for almost five years, but continues to come to group once a week to help him along on his road to recovery. Now he tells his story to help others to deal with their own addictions. What you all need to realize is that addiction is for life. Just because you’ve recovered doesn’t mean that you are no longer an addict. You have to change your entire life to get better,” Dr. Greene told the group. Derek nodded his agreement and Stiles took notes.

An hour later, Dr. Greene dismissed the group and told Stiles he could leave for the day, that she’d see him tomorrow. She thanked Derek for coming and speaking today and then excused herself to help escort the patients back to their rooms.  
Derek stood and stared blankly at Stiles. Stiles stared back at him, fighting the urge to cry or vomit. He didn’t know what to say.

“I know I have no right to ask, but, would you like to go to lunch or grab coffee or something?” Derek asked.

Stiles still couldn’t make his voice box work so he simply nodded his agreement.

Inwardly, he cursed himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek try to make the best of an awkward situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than the previous two, but for good reason, I promise!

There was no way he could hope to deserve Derek again after all he’d let him go through alone.

Derek flashed him a brilliant smile and turned toward the door. Stiles stood and followed him. Derek opened the door for him, and then the front door of the rehab center and then the door of his car as he got in.

Stiles was finding it hard to breathe, let alone speak. They rode to the diner in complete silence as Stiles tried to figure out how to apologize for everything. He’d put the burden of taking care of Derek on Isaac’s shoulders and now he was in Europe. Boyd and Erica had left. He’d done that. They’d moved to get away from Derek. Lydia had probably done the same, with her boys in tow. Stiles had done this. He split up his family of sorts.

“You’re thinking too much, Stiles,” Derek said.

“Wha-?” was all Stiles could get out.

“Oh, you can still talk then, that’s good to know.”

Stiles sputtered and glared at Derek like he hadn’t been able to since he left.

“And you’re still a dick. Also good to know,” Stiles said.

Derek smiled warmly at him and looked back at the road.

When they got to the diner they ordered their food, Stiles got the cheeseburger and curly fries he’d been craving since he’d gotten back that his father was forbidden from and Derek got a Chicken wrap, and sat in awkward silence for a moment. When they broke the silence it was at the same time.

“I shouldn’t have left-“ Stiles started.

“I’m so sorry for everything-“ Derek said.

Derek smiled at Stiles and gestured for him to go ahead.

“I shouldn’t have left you the way I did. I’m a selfish son of a bitch and all I was thinking about was myself. I should have stayed. I should have helped you. I should have been there for you and instead I just left.”

“Stiles, I never blamed you. I never ever thought you were selfish for leaving. If anyone was selfish it was me. I was looking for something and I couldn’t find it anywhere. After you left, I was even more empty than before,” Derek said.

Stiles looked down at the table. He wished he could melt into the vinyl of the booth he was sitting in.

“I’m so sorry,” Stiles said, “I only wanted you to get better. I just couldn’t stand to watch you fall apart again. I loved you too much.”

Derek looked at him hard for a moment.

“Do you think you could again?” he asked quietly.

Stiles’ throat went dry. He didn’t know how to say that he’d never stopped.

Their food came and Stiles picked up one of his curly fries as he contemplated how to answer this question.

“If you can’t, I understand,” Derek said, “You should know that you’re the reason I’m alive today. “

Stiles almost choked on his curly fry.

“Derek, I left you. How the hell can you say that?”

“If you hadn’t left, if I hadn’t been so completely desolate and alone, I never would have gotten better. Dr. Greene is right, you know. You have to want it bad enough to do it. You have to change your entire life and you have to do it for yourself. If you do it for other people, you will relapse.”

“You could have died after I left. You could have overdosed or jumped off a bridge or done something stupid and gotten yourself killed. That would have been my fault,”

“You were my boyfriend, Stiles. Not my keeper.”

“And what now?” Stiles asked. The question was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“I’d like to try again, if you’ll let me,” Derek said.

Stiles once again contemplated his relationship, past, present and future, with Derek Hale.

“How about we start slow, huh? This is nice, right? We can just hang out for a while, can’t we?”

Derek nodded.

“We can do that if you want,” he said. Stiles couldn’t help but think that he looked a bit sad.

They finished their food and Derek drove Stiles back to the Mental Health Center. Stiles gave Derek his new phone number (that he’d had for the last three years) and said he’d see him later. 

As he turned to get out of the car, Derek grabbed his hand and laid a kiss across his knuckles.

Stiles was having a hard time breathing again.

Derek looked him in the eye.

“I really am sorry for everything,” he said.

Stiles smiled and patted his hand and climbed out of the car and into his jeep.

He pretended he wasn’t crying all the way home. He pretended he didn’t want to be with Derek again. He pretended that he wasn’t a horrible person for leaving.

And later that night, he pretended he could feel Derek’s body curled around his as he slept.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek go on a date...

Stiles continued his internship at the Mental Health Center, and Derek continued to come to group meetings once a week, usually on Thursday. Stiles couldn’t help the swell of pride in his chest every time he saw him. He looked clean, healthy and alive. He’d never really realized how worried he’d been that Derek was actually dead until he saw him alive and well. He didn’t know how he would have handled it if Derek had actually been dead.

They went to lunch once a week, the days when Derek went to group. It was the last week of Stiles’ internship that Derek asked him out to dinner with him.

“Like a date?” Stiles asked.

“Is that what you want it to be?” Derek responded.

Stiles blushed and smiled. He was giddy.

“Maybe,” was all he said.

Derek smiled back at him.

They decided that Derek was picking him up at seven o’clock on Friday. They didn’t make any plans beyond that. Stiles said they should be spontaneous.

“What did they teach you in New York?” Derek asked.

“How to live,” Stiles said, “What did they teach you?”

Derek snorted.

“How to get high and run from my problems.”

“Oh my God. I’m such an insensitive bastard,” Stiles said.

“Stiles. It’s a thing. It’s my past. It’s some shit that I went through. And you went through it with me. It’s okay.”

Stiles wished Derek would quit saying things like that. He didn’t deserve his forgiveness. He didn’t deserve to have him put his trust in him again. He’d abandoned him once already. He didn’t understand why he would give him the opportunity to do it again.

***********

Stiles still had to come clean to everyone else in his life about Derek. They took it about as expected.

His dad just sighed and shook his head. Allison looked dumbfounded. Lydia, Jackson and Danny who he told all together via Skype looked completely indifferent to the idea.

“As long as he’s got it together like you say he does,” Lydia said, “I will personally castrate him if he hurts you again.”

Stiles laughed and shook his head.

“Not necessary,” he said.

“Hopefully,” she said.

Erica and Boyd warned him that Derek had been especially volatile when they left. Isaac told him to be careful.

Scott was the one that freaked out.

“What do you mean you’ve been hanging out with Derek again? Derek HALE, Stiles?! Derek FUCKING Hale?!” he ranted as he paced around Stiles’ living room.

“Yes, Scott. That one.”

“No. No. No. Absolutely not. I can’t take this. Not again.”

“Funny. I didn’t know it was your relationship to have,” Stiles said sarcastically. 

Scott’s eyes looked like they were going to bug out of his head and he seriously looked like he was on the verge of having a stroke.

“Dude. We’ve just been hanging out up to this point. We have a date Friday. He’s been clean for four years. Chill out.”

“Stiles, you’re my best friend. You’re like the brother I never had. I’m reserving the right, right now, to look you in your stupid face when Derek fucks things up again and tell you “I told you so”,” Scott said.

Friday night came faster than he expected it to. He tried on three different outfits before he finally decided on one, the blue polo and white hoodie that Lydia said complemented his eyes and complexion (so what if he was video chatting with her while he was getting dressed?) and the jeans she said made his ass look good. 

The doorbell rang at seven on the nose. Stiles was brushing his teeth for the third time. He quickly spit and rinsed his toothbrush before bounding down the stairs. His father was sitting on the couch glaring at Derek who was staring pointedly at the floor. Both men stood as Stiles entered the room.

“I meant what I said, Hale,” John said.

“Yes, sir,” Derek said.

Later, when they were in the car and on the way to the restaurant that they’d decided on, Stiles asked Derek what the exchange was about.

“He told me that if I hurt you again he would personally castrate me,” Derek said.

Stiles laughed out loud.

“I wonder if he’s been talking to Lydia,” Stiles asked between gasping for air.

Derek frowned.

“They have no faith in me, whatsoever, do they?”

Stiles faced Derek then.

“It’s my fault. I took off. If I hadn’t they…” Stiles trailed off.

Derek pulled off in a driveway and stopped.

“I’m going to apologize ahead of time, but I can’t take this anymore,” he said.

“Wha-“ Stiles said.

He didn’t get a chance to get the rest of the question out, however, because he found himself pinned to the door of Derek’s car with Derek’s mouth hot and hard on his. Derek was kissing him. Derek was kissing him like he was starving. 

When he pulled back, he was mouthing at Stiles’ jaw and earlobe. Sneaky bastard. He knew that was a weak spot. 

“Is this okay?” Derek asked him.

Stiles answered with a hand tangled in Derek’s hair pulling him back roughly for another kiss.

Who was he kidding? He’d never gotten over Derek. He’d never gotten past Derek. Every time he was with someone else in New York, he saw Derek’s face. Their lips were never as soft. Their hands not quite as rough.

Derek pulled away from his face again, presumably to breathe.

“God you’re beautiful,” he said.

“Shut up and take me home so we can do this right,” Stiles told him, pushing him away.

“Home? Your dad…” he said.

“Not that home. OUR home. To OUR bed. Take me there,” he said.

Derek’s face lit up and Stiles’ heart threatened to beat out of his chest.

Stiles didn’t think he’d ever been so terrified in his life. Derek broke every traffic law known to man and it was a wonder they didn’t get pulled over on their way back.

They pulled up the long driveway to the house they’d once shared and Stiles hastily climbed out of the car only to find himself pressed up against the car with Derek’s hands on his hips and Derek’s lips on his. Derek pulled him away from the car and pushed him toward the house. They stumbled up the steps clumsily, never breaking their kiss.

Derek unlocked the front door and shoved Stiles inside, slamming him against the wall right next to the door when they got inside. He picked Stiles up and wrapped his legs around his waist. Derek abandoned Stiles’ mouth to suck tiny marks on his neck. 

That’s when Stiles opened his eyes. 

“Holy shit. You weren’t kidding were you?” Stiles asked.

Derek, momentarily confused, turned his head to look at what Stiles was seeing.

Stiles swatted Derek’s arm in an attempt to get him to put him down. Derek sighed and put him back on his feet.

Stiles moved away from Derek slowly and looked at the mess on the floor, which was covered in paint that Stiles could only describe as orange brown. The walls were half painted, the brown covering the green.

Derek looked at the floor. 

“I didn’t come back here after my second go at rehab,” he said.

“What? Where have you been living?” Stiles asked.

“I rented an apartment on the outskirts of town. I didn’t want to come back here. It just reminded me of you and my family and everything that had lead me to this point in my life. I never thought you were coming back. I thought about selling it a couple of times,” Derek said.

“Why did you pick this color, of all the colors in the world?” Stiles asked. It was a strange, custom looking color of brown.

“It was the closest I could get to the color of your eyes in paint,” Derek said simply.

Stiles lost it then.

“Dammit, Derek. Why won’t you hate me? I LEFT YOU! I left you alone to deal with all that pain on your own. I left you here with this and you won’t even yell at me or look at me like I’m the scum that I am. No. You’re all soft words and apologies and painting the house the color of my eyes and what the actual fuck?! “

“Stiles, calm down,” Derek said.

“No! No! Why should I? Why should I calm down? I RAN AWAY, DEREK! I went all the way to New Fucking York to get away from your memory. I ran from you. I ran from us. I ran from responsibility. I wish you would at least tell me what a contemptible human being I am?! Why Derek?!”

“BECAUSE IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT! It was never your fault! It was me! It was all me, this had nothing to do with you! YOU were the one GOOD thing in my life and I FUCKED. IT. UP. When I saw you walk into group that day I thought I’d died and somehow made it to some sort of fucked up Heaven. Because there you were. Everything I ever wanted. EVERYTHING. And there you were,” Derek screamed.

Stiles didn’t know what to do. So he did what he was best at.

He ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! What the hell just happened?!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the blowout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Thank you so much to all of you who've been reading since the beginning and stuck with me through all the angst! I love you all!

Stiles made it about a mile into the woods before it started to get dark. He called Scott to come and pick him up.

“Stiles? What’s wrong?” Scott asked.

Stiles couldn’t help the way his chest was tightening up or how the tears wouldn’t stop rolling down his face. He could barely breathe and he didn’t think he could move even if he wanted to.

“Scott…”he started, “I…I…n-need you…to come and pick me…uh-up.”

“Oh my God. What did he do? Stiles! WHAT DID DEREK DO TO YOU!?” Scott screamed.

“N-nothing. I-just come and get m-me p-p-please.”

“Where are you?” 

“I-in the woods. I-I’ll go back to the drive.”

I’ll be there in five minutes. Hold on, buddy.”

Scott must have driven twice the speed limit to get there, but he was there in four minutes.

Stiles heard Derek’s voice not too far behind them calling for Stiles when he was climbing in Scott’s car. Scott, livid, opened the door and stepped out.

“Sc-cott, w-w-what are y-y-ou do-i-ing?” Stiles asked.

“Something I should have done a long time ago,” Scott said, “Over here Hale!”

Derek came running through the trees. Stiles only caught a glimpse of him before he was blocked from sight.

“What the fuck did you do?!” Scott yelled at Derek.

“Scott, is he okay?” Derek asked.

“No, Derek. No he sure is hell not okay. What did you do to him?!”

“Nothing, Scott! He didn’t do anything. Would you just take me home?” Stiles yelled from the car.

Scott stuck his finger in Derek’s chest, hard and said, “This isn’t over, Hale.”

Derek glared at him as he turned his back and walked back to the car, then he turned his attention to Stiles. Stiles couldn’t look at him, but he could feel his eyes boring into him. When he looked up in the rearview mirror, Derek was still watching the car, his eyes pleading, like he was begging Stiles to come back.

Stiles went straight in the door and up to his room when he got back. 

He stripped out of his clothes and went to his bathroom to shower. He stepped under the scalding spray of water and let it wash away the anxiety. He needed a minute to breathe and think.

Nothing had really been right for him since he’d left Beacon Hills. Not that everything had been a bed of roses before. But now. Here. With Derek. Sober Derek. Loving Derek. Derek who kept apologizing and showering him in kisses and compliments.

Could he do this? He didn’t know. One thing he was sure of was that he damn sure wanted to try.

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed his phone. He typed a short, simple text to Derek.

“Come over?” it said.

He pressed send and took a deep breath.

He changed into sweat pants and a loose fitting t-shirt before heading downstairs. His phone buzzed two minutes later. He read the text from Derek and smiled.

“On my way,” it read.

Stiles assured his father that the fight he’d had with Derek was his fault and that Derek did nothing wrong. John, skeptical but unable to do anything to stop Stiles from seeing Derek, said he was going to bed and told him to keep it down.

Derek knocked on the door a few moments after his father went up to bed.

Stiles opened the door and looked sheepishly at the man on his doorstep who was frowning at him.

“Come in,” he said.

Derek stepped inside the house and let Stiles usher him to the couch. When Derek was sitting down, Stiles climbed in his lap and straddled his hips.

Derek’s breath caught and he grabbed Stiles’ hips as Stiles bent down and caught his lips in a searing kiss. Stiles tried to pour everything he’d felt for and about Derek in the last five years into that one kiss. Derek kissed him back for all he was worth.

It was at that moment that Stiles made up his mind.

He pulled back to look Derek in the eyes and ran his hands through his hair.

“I never stopped loving you,” Stiles said, “I ran because I didn’t want to see you fall apart. I couldn’t deal with the idea of losing you like that again. So I was selfish. I ran.”

Derek watched him with intense hazel eyes and waited for him to continue.

“It didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing. In New York, in Beacon Hills, the time I went to L.A., I never stopped thinking about you. And I never stopped loving you. Never.”

Derek scooped Stiles up as he was, wrapped his legs around his waist for the second time tonight and stood. He then carried him over to and up the stairs and into Stiles’ bedroom. Stiles and Derek had been together before, many, many times before. Stiles had never been with anyone else. It was right here and right now that he remembered why no one ever came close. No one could make him feel as good as Derek could.

Later, as they lay together, naked and sticky with sweat and tired from exertion, Derek trailed patterns over Stiles’ skin and kissed his neck and Stiles pulled his arm around his waist so that he could link their fingers. 

Right before Stiles drifted off, Derek whispered something in his ear.

“Forget about the shit that we've been through. I wanna stay here forever and always.”

Stiles smiled and Derek planted another kiss to the back of his neck.

“I love you, Stiles,” he said.

Stiles drifted off in the safety and comfort of his lover’s arms, secure in the knowledge that there was a tomorrow for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line that Derek whispers to Stiles is from the song Forever and Always by Bullet For My Valentine.


End file.
